Why Long Distance Relationships Are Such A Bad Idea.

Dating and having relationships is an important part of the human experience. Most of you will agree that finding that one person that is just right for you, that treats you the way that you want to be treated and talks to you the way you want to be talked to, is one of the most — if not the most — important goals in life. There are so many beautiful people on this planet.

A good amount of them can be found living in relatively close proximity to us. I do not doubt that in your neighborhood alone you will find at least a handle of attractive people of whatever your sexual preference.

Even if you lived in West Bumblef*ck, I am sure there is at least one person in your town or village that you wouldn’t mind boning. Yet, there is a high probability that at one point or another in our lives, we will find ourselves in what we like to a call a long-distance relationship. My question is: Why?

Unless you grew up on watching foreign romance films, I don’t see any way that a girl living in America could actually want to marry a Frenchman. We usually are okay with getting our pickings from nearby — say, in the same country.

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Nevertheless, people come to visit from abroad and you occasionally meet them. I myself had a short fling last summer with a foreigner and I will be honest, I plan on visiting her in Paris some time soon — but I’m going there to get some good, wine-fueled, European loving, not to begin a relationship. And that’s how it should be: bag the foreigners and date local.

This is why I love NYC…dating the locals usual means dating foreigners. What can I say? I like them exotic, imported. But I have had several friends in the past in long-distance relationships. And no, none of them are still together. In fact, I have one friend that is about to begin a long-distance relationship with a guy from Belgium. Idiots. Why would anyone think that a long-distance relationship is a good idea?

I mean, I get the initial appeal — all romantic seeming and what not. I get the want of having to long for a person, to miss them; it intensifies the feelings that you have for that person. The less you physically see a person, the more you begin to deposit your own projection of who you believe them to be onto their being rather than seeing them as they really are.

There is something that gets lost when the human interaction that you have with a person is mainly via tech gadget. For starters, body language is extremely important. Secondly, it’s hard to have sex over an Ethernet cable — Skype just doesn’t quite hit the spot.

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Not having sex for extended periods of time can’t be good for your health. Actually, I’m sure it won’t kill you, but why date someone that you can only sleep with a handful of times in a year when you can date someone that lives closer by and will rock your world several times a week? That’s a ton of orgasmic difference.

If you can see your lover at least once a week, then I can still understand keeping them around. When going into a relationship, we must go into it with a purpose. Ask yourself not only why you are dating this person, but why you are dating at all. What do you want out of the relationship? Where do you ultimately want things to go? It’s okay to say that you just want to see where things will go, but only if the person lives on the same continent.

Seeing where things will go with a person that lives in the same city is one thing; seeing where things will go with a person that lives a plane flight away is a whole other. A relationship’s development over a distance is sluggish if not entirely stagnant.

If you are seriously dating someone because you want to spend time with them…then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice. If you are dating because you want sex… then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice.

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If you are dating because you want to find the person you wish to spend the rest of your life with…then a long-distance relationship is not the right choice; sooner or later you will need to see each other weekly in order for anything serious to develop. However, if you are in a long-distance relationship with someone because you love them, then I’m sorry my friend; you are screwed.

The one and only excuse that I will accept for being in a long-distance relationship is being in love. When you fall for someone, the choice of whether or not you ought to be dating someone essentially evaporates. If you love a person, then not being able to at the very least talk to them regularly will be more painful than the possibility of a breakup.

The good news — or bad news, depending on how you look at it — you won’t be capable of staying away from each other for very long. Slowly but surely the urge to be with each other will be unbearable and you will have no choice but to live in the same city.

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This, again, has its own dangers. Often at times, the love that we feel during a long-distance relationship fades shortly after the happy couple begins to spend more time together. It’s easy to over-romanticize things when a long distance separates you.

It’s much more difficult to keep the flame burning when you see each other everyday. To sum up: avoid long-distance relationships if at all possible. You will be much happier dating someone you can actually spend quality time with regularly and not only over quick, short spurts. If you are head-over-heels for that person living in Bulgaria, then…best of luck.

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Paul Hudson | Elite. 

For more from Paul, follow him on Twitter @MrPaulHudson

My Dating Style Discovered

Just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there are also no pre-determined parameters of the kind of person you’re meant to be attracted to. Some girls are attracted to guys with six packs, others like a little bit of belly. Some like them blonde some like them tall, dark and handsome and some like a combination of all, some or none of the above. After a long conversation with my friends, where we analyzed all the people I have dated or been attracted to in the past, we discovered what my weakness in men is: younger guys. Yes people, I’m a Puma (girl who dates younger guys but isn’t old enough to be considered a cougar.)

Selena Gomez, the most notorious Puma of our generation. She is two years older than her boyfriend Justin Bieber.

Selena Gomez, the most notorious Puma of our generation. She is two years older than her boyfriend Justin Bieber.

In the olden days it was only acceptable that a girl would date a guy who was older than her, and if she dared date someone younger she would be shunned from society. Ok so maybe I’m exaggerating, but it seems that couples where the girl is older than the guy are becoming both increasingly common and socially acceptable. Now lets analyze why it’s so great to date a younger guy.

1-) They try harder: They feel so lucky and excited about the fact that they have the chance to be with an older woman that they will try their best to “man up” (pun absolutely intended) and impress their Puma.

2-) They’re more fun: This depends a lot on how much older you are than your guy, but general rule of thumb a guy who is three years younger than you will be a lot funner than one who is three years older than you and is probably in a more advanced stage in his professional life than the younger guy (although this isn’t always the case, a lot of kids get their shit together from a very early age, and a lot of guys just never get their shit together.)

In "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower" Charlie who is a freshman falls for Sam who is a senior.

In “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower” Charlie who is a freshman falls for Sam who is a senior.

3-) They are very eager to please you: Both in the bedroom and outside, since they are under the illusion (false or real) that you have more experience than them and have a long trajectory of being wined and dined in really amazing places. Your younger guy will put a good amount of effort into wooing you with awesome dates and will also have a strong desire to please you and learn from you in the bedroom because he believes that your age equates to you being more knowledgeable than him.

4-) They respect you more: His mom always told him to respect his elders, and this includes the women that he dates as well ;).

5-) He will be you biggest fan: The fact that you are older sub-consciously makes him look up to you. No guy will ever be prouder of your achievements than a younger guy.

The lady who started the trend of dating younger men: Demi Moore.

The lady who started the trend of dating younger men: Demi Moore.

6-) They bring out the absolute best in you: Let’s be honest here, a girl will never take a younger guy as seriously as she would an older guy, not at first at least. This gives you an unconscious license to let your guard down and be goofier and more free-spirited than you would normally allow yourself with an older guy. With a youngster you’re not afraid to let him see you at your absolute worst, which means he will see your best side and your worst side and very likely still love you, because he sees you as his trophy (hey man! I’m dating and older chick!). Believe it or not, in the long run this will make you happier than you could ever be with a guy you feel you need to impress. And this my friends is why I absolutely love dating younger guys.

Ladies, a valuable lesson

How many of us have found ourselves pinning after a guy who just wont man up and do things right with us? If reading the previous question made you smile and think of a certain someone, STOP. Truth be told if you had to wait around for a guy to decide to do things right with you, he didn’t fall in love with you, your dragged him into love. And no girl wants that. You deserve better, never settle.

X- el que no te quiere, tampoco te merece.

Said the emotional idiot,

Foreign Concept Girl