Tag Archives: Humor

FROM ONE PRETTY WOMAN TO ANOTHER: BITCH PLEASE! LIFE IS EASY WHEN YOU LOOK GOOD

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Original article published on Xojane.com

Telling me that being attractive is hard is like when rich people tell me having a lot of money is hard.

balloons

I was sitting around and reading the Internet, when I came acrossthis article about this woman who insinuates that she is too pretty to take a job. Since I’m the vainest person I know, naturally this article piqued my interest. Is she so beautiful that people just pay her to exist? How do I sign up for this because I could use the cash?

Boy, oh boy, was I in for a treat. Laura Fernee, 33, claims that she is so good-looking that she can’t even spend a day at work without jealous bitches being jealous bitches and all the guys hitting on her. She claimed that her female colleagues made her life hell and that her male colleagues kept leaving her presents (assholes!). She said that even with no make-up on, her naturally gorgeous and perfect face was too much for her colleagues to handle. Also, there was stuff about how perfect her body is, too.
Oh, and she had a job as a science researcher something or other. So, although she’s very well educated, “‘male colleagues were only interested in me for how I looked. I wanted them to recognise my achievements and my professionalism but all they saw was my face and body,” she claimed.
Being the hottest bitch at the lab became too stressful for Fernee so she resigned, claiming she had no choice. She went on: “Even when I was in a laboratory in scrubs with no make-up they still came on to me because of my natural attractiveness. There was nothing I could do to stop it.”
She’s spent the last 2 years living off of her wealthy parents. Some girls have all the luck.
Her parents shill out £2,000 a month in rent and bills, and another £1700 a month for her designer clothes credit card purchases. She also says that her looks are keeping her from having a career and that she’s not lazy or stupid. She’s now writing a book about how much of a “curse” it is to be the prettiest girl in the world/workplace.
I mean, look, if you feel like you’re better suited to spend your days going shopping and getting your hair and nails done on a regular basis than working and your parents don’t mind footing the bill, just fucking own it. If my parents could finance my life like that, I would have taken that route ages ago. Live your life, girl.
But please, oh please, don’t tell me that being conventionally attractive is hard. As a conventionally attractive person, I am here to call BULLSHIT on all of this. Being attractive in this world is like taking the express lane to an easy life. There are actual studies that have been conducted that prove that people that are perceived to be better looking get hired more, make more money and are promoted faster than their not so genetically gifted co-workers. You can read about it here. If you’re attractive, you got the whole world in the palm of your hand.
Everyone likes pretty people -– especially if the good-looking person in question happens to also be a good person. Think about it, who did everyone want to be friends with in grade school: the pretty girl. We learn that stuff young. If you’re having a hard time connecting with women, it’s probably not your looks. It’s probably because you suck.
There are so many benefits to being an attractive person –- especially if you happen to be an attractive white woman. I mean, seriously, how hard can your life really be? White women are less likely to be raped, less likely to be homeless, less likely to suffer domestic abuse, and less likely to go to jail than women of color. It’s not difficult being a white woman in this world, Laura Fernee. Get over yourself.
But regardless of race, telling me that being attractive is hard is like when rich people tell me having a lot of money is hard. You know what’s hard? Coming up with creative ways to pay rent every month. And speaking of which, if any editors are currently reading this, I’m an attractive freelance writer and my contract with xoJane is very much like my love life: non-exclusive. Call me!
I’m just saying a lot of doors are opened to you when you play into conventional standards of beauty. I know for a fact that with certain past and current employers, it wasn’t just my resume and charming personality that won them over. They don’t tell you to look your very best at interviews for nothing.
I mean, look, sleaze bags will be sleaze bags. I’ve seldom had problems with women in the work place, but there were definitely some men who needed to learn a thing or two about boundaries. I once had an employer who constantly made inappropriate remarks to me while in the office about my appearance. He eventually fired me. “It’s just not working out. But you’ll be OK. You have a very good look.” I wish I told him to go fuck himself to his gross face but I was much younger then and not as brave.
There are always creepy douchebags in the workplace and deflecting them is still an unfortunate reality of being a woman. It’s also an annoying consequence of being attractive. The older I get, the more comfortable I am calling out that type of inappropriate behavior. When it comes to my experience with beauty, the good outweighs the bad and I keep on keeping on.
Being attractive isn’t all it takes to make it, but if you have a decent head on your shoulders, are good at what you do and also just happen to be quite the hottie with a body, statistically speaking, the odds are in your favor. I say, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

 

Peter Pan Syndrome

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peter pan

Peter Pan syndrome is quite common among our generation. It affects people who do not want to or feel unable to grow up. It is funny how as children we are always in such a rush to grow up, and miss a lot of the magic of those years thinking that everything will be better once we get older.

peter pan2I can help but feel foolish when I think about all the times I wished to graduate back when I was a freshman or a sophomore in college. As I write I am living the first week of the last time my life will ever be measured in semesters, an I can’t help but wish that I could live in this moment eternally.

Monday Motivation From An Unlikely Source

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Please do not scroll down to find out who said the words you are about to read. You are in for quite the surprise since one would never expect these words to be from this person.

I have forgiven mistakes that were indeed almost unforgivable. I’ve tried to replace people who were irreplaceable and tried to forget those who were unforgettable. I’ve acted on impulse, have been disappointed by people when I thought that this could never be possible. But I have also disappointed those who I love. I have laughed at inappropriate occasions. I’ve made friends that are now friends for life. I’ve screamed and jumped for joy.

I’ve loved and I’ve been loved. But I have also been rejected, and I have been loved without loving the person back. I’ve lived for love alone and made vows of eternal love. I’ve had my heart broken many, many times! I’ve cried while listening to music and looking at old pictures. I’ve called someone just to hear their voice on the other side. I have fallen in love with a smile. At times, I thought I would die because I missed someone so much. At other times, I felt very afraid that I might lose someone very special (which ended up happening anyway).

 But I have lived! And I still continue living everyday. I’m not just passing through life…and you shouldn’t either. Live! The best thing in life is to go ahead with all your plans and your dreams, to embrace life and to live everyday with passion, to lose and still keep the faith and to win while being grateful. All of this because the world belongs to those who dare to go after what they want. And because life is really too short to be insignificant.

and the writer of these beautiful words is…

charlie chaplinI bet you weren’t expecting that one huh?

Happy Monday!