What Happens When “The One That Got Away” Comes Back.

A year ago I wrote about what would happen if “the one that got away” came back and all the possible scenarios you could be faced with upon their return. Now, a year later, I have learned that the real reason why we cling to the idea of “the one that got away” is because they give us the opportunity to project everything we would want from a significant other onto them. But real life, more often than not, falls short when compared to our fantasies and reality has very little interest in our plans. So whenever you find yourself dwelling on “the one that got away” note that anything you would aspire from their comeback is actually the outcome you would want from your ideal relationship, which has very little to do with the person who got away.

And besides, if you and that person were actually meant to be, would they get away to begin with?

Click here to read my latest article for Moustique.

Link Love IV

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James Franco explains why he chooses so many gay roles- via Huffington Post.

Baby Boomer discusses why he would like to be a Millenial when he retires- via New York Times

5 steps to turn jealousy into positivity- via XoJane.

Dress for the part you want in life and eventually you’ll get it – via Elite Daily.

You’re Jewish? But you’re so pretty! and other things you should never say to a Jewish girl – via Cosmopolitan.

Are you dating a Thursday guy?- via Elle.

The only situation where crocs are acceptable, on Boo!! – via Fashionista.

 

 

Link Love II.

I might make this a weekly thing.

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Doutzen feels really bad about looking this good.

OH SHIT, a global wine shortage may soon be upon us- via The Huffington Post.

You better watch your mouth Kaiser! Karl Lagerfeld’s rude remarks come back and bite him in the derriere- via Huff Post Style.

The Cheerleader Effect explained- via The Cut.

Why husband shopping is so 2012- via Elite Daily.

Reasons to love Ataturk, and to feed my obsession with Turks – via Time.

Supermodel Doutzen Kroes apologizes for being so perfect- via PopSugar.

10 things every girl  woman should know by 25- via Cosmopolitan.

All My Exes Live In Texts.

Original article published on New York Magazine.

Why the social-media generation never breaks up.

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I have 700 friends on Facebook, 36 of whom I consider exes. Not all are ex-boyfriends—in the eleven years that “boyfriend” has been a name for men in my life, I have referred to nine as “boyfriends.” The rest are men I dated casually, guys I dated disastrously, make-out buddies, one-night stands, vacation flings, and a few boys I never touched but flirted with so heavily they can no longer be categorized as “just friends.” These people aren’t ex-boyfriends but they’re ex-something, weighted with enough personal history to make my stomach drop when they message me or pop up in social-media feeds. Which is pretty often.

There was a time, I am told, when exes lived in Texas and you could avoid them by moving to Tennessee. Cutting ties is no longer so easy—nor, I guess, do we really want it to be. We gorge ourselves on information about the lives of our exes. We can’t help ourselves. There’s the ex who “likes” everything you post. The ex who appears in automated birthday reminders. The ex who appears in your OkCupid matches. The ex whose musical taste you heed on Spotify. The ex whose new girlfriend sent a friend request. The ex you follow so you know how to win him back. The ex you follow so you know how to avoid her in person. The ex you watched deteriorate after the breakup. (Are you guilty or proud?) The ex who finally took your advice, after the breakup. (Are you frustrated or proud?) The ex whose new partner is exactly like you. (Are you flattered or creeped out?) The ex whose name appears as an autocorrection in your phone. (Are you sure you don’t talk about him incessantly? Word recognition suggests otherwise.) The ex whose new partner blogs about their sex life. The ex who still has your naked pictures. The ex who untagged every picture from your relationship. The ex you suspect is reading your e-mail. The ex you watch lead the life you’d dreamed of having together, but seeing it now, you’re so glad you didn’t.

My peers and I have all these exes, in part because we have more time to rack them up before later marriages, because we’re freer about sleeping around, because we’re more comfortable with cross-gender friendships and blurring sexual boundaries, because not committing means keeping more love interests around as possibilities, and because the digital age enables us to never truly break up. We don’t have to shut the door on anything. Which is good, because shutting the door on something is not something we ever want to do.

Alarmists fret that casual sex discourages intimacy. But in my experience, the opposite is true. When you share your bed, your toothbrush, your sexual hang-ups, and the topography of the ­cellulite on your butt with a stranger, the intimacy is real. It just happened before familiarity did. You are privy to information his family and friends are not; you know what he sounds like when he orgasms and when he snores. You may never see this person again, but he will always be your ex.  

But more often than not, you will see him again. Like “dialing” a cell phone or “filming” a digital video, “one-night stand” is an anachronism. Even if you only have sex once, you will spend time with your hookup when he finds you on Facebook, appears in a mutual friend’s Instagram, or texts about a weird bump he found on his penis. Older generations didn’t have a word for this kind of thing—they couldn’t have. But these are, in fact, relationships. Even casual dates have expansive biographies to plow through and life narratives you can follow for years. You hear about their hangovers when you check Twitter for the morning news. You see their new apartments when you browse Facebook at work. They can jump into your pants whenever they want by sending text messages that land in your pocket. Online, you watch your exes’ lives unfold parallel to yours—living, shifting digital portraits of roads not taken with partners you did not keep.

There was also a time, I am told, when staying in touch was difficult. Exes were characters from a foreclosed past, symbols from former and forgone lives. Now they are part of the permanent present. I was a college freshman when Facebook launched. All my exes live online, and so do their exes, and so do their exes, too. I carry the population of a metaphorical Texas in a cell phone on my person at all times. Etiquette can’t keep up with us—not that we would honor it anyway—so ex relationships run on lust and impulse and nosiness and envy alternating with fantasy. It’s a dozen soap operas playing at the same time on a dozen different screens, and you are the star of them all. It’s both as thrilling and as sickening as it sounds.

Click here to continue reading.

The Fatal Attraction To Bad Boys.

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We all have that friend, the one who cries incessantly about her no-good boyfriend and yet can’t seem to let go of him. In fact, you probably have been guilty yourself of dating someone who treated you way worse than you deserved, but you wouldn’t call it quits because of his bad boy sex appeal. This leads to the age-old question: why do girls insist on dating bad boys and then act surprised when they treat them like sh*t?

The answer to this question can be divided in two: first, safe is no fun. Second, it is all a matter of ego. Let me elaborate more on both.

Bad boys are risk takers; they keep you on your toes. They are unpredictable, and let’s face it, it’s really excited to be with someone who will always surprise you with his next move. There is no excitement in a guy who treats you like a princess. You expect good behavior all the time and then it just becomes routine and, well, boring.

We tend to appreciate things we have to work hard for a lot more than we appreciate things that come easily to us. Bad boys are always a challenge and we thrive in our conquest of pinning them down. Everyday with him just feels like a huge gamble, which is why the latter rewards feel so good.

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Girls like to talk and girls like drama. If we didn’t date bad boys then we would have no drama to talk about when we go out for drinks with our friends, simple as that. Also, you are more likely to question the success of your relationship if everything is going right than if there is a little drama here and there.

Because of their bad boy nature, these dudes are always willing to go the extra mile for the girl they love. Dating is a game and the bad boy will go all-in to play it, with extra wit and better pick up lines than any nice guy. Movies have taught us to glorify bad boys, and let’s face it, everyone wants a relationship like the ones they see in the movies.

But the sexiest thing about a bad boy is the possibility of changing him into the man we wish he were. Yeah your mom always told you that you should never have to change anyone to be with him, but our egos are trained to thing otherwise. Every girl wants to say that she is the girl who tamed the bad boy. She wants the right to brag about the fact that she was the one who “changed him,” It’s all a matter of ego.

However, never make the mistake of confusing masochism with an attraction to bad boys. Believing you are not worthy of being treated better than the bad boy treats you, or thinking that’s the way you are meant to be treated is a whole different animal than having an attraction to bad boys.

And for those girls who cant break their bad boy habit, always remember that the exact things that make the bad boy sexy are what in the long run will make him a really bad boyfriend.

Adriana Herdan | Elite.

 

In Everyone’s Past There Is A Love They Can’t Get Over, And A Summer Where It All Began.

I Know I have overused this quote but “in order for a relationship to work there are two defining factors: love and timing. And timing can be a real bitch.” There couldn’t be a more accurate quote to describe my current situation.

So my question is, how does one react to this? Should you be thankful that you go the chance to be with this person even if it was just for a brief moment in time or do you wish you never met them because then you wouldn’t know what you have been missing out on this entire time?

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siempre seremos para alguien la persona correcta, que conocieron en el momento equivocado.