FROM ONE PRETTY WOMAN TO ANOTHER: BITCH PLEASE! LIFE IS EASY WHEN YOU LOOK GOOD

Original article published on Xojane.com

Telling me that being attractive is hard is like when rich people tell me having a lot of money is hard.

balloons

I was sitting around and reading the Internet, when I came acrossthis article about this woman who insinuates that she is too pretty to take a job. Since I’m the vainest person I know, naturally this article piqued my interest. Is she so beautiful that people just pay her to exist? How do I sign up for this because I could use the cash?

Boy, oh boy, was I in for a treat. Laura Fernee, 33, claims that she is so good-looking that she can’t even spend a day at work without jealous bitches being jealous bitches and all the guys hitting on her. She claimed that her female colleagues made her life hell and that her male colleagues kept leaving her presents (assholes!). She said that even with no make-up on, her naturally gorgeous and perfect face was too much for her colleagues to handle. Also, there was stuff about how perfect her body is, too.
Oh, and she had a job as a science researcher something or other. So, although she’s very well educated, “‘male colleagues were only interested in me for how I looked. I wanted them to recognise my achievements and my professionalism but all they saw was my face and body,” she claimed.
Being the hottest bitch at the lab became too stressful for Fernee so she resigned, claiming she had no choice. She went on: “Even when I was in a laboratory in scrubs with no make-up they still came on to me because of my natural attractiveness. There was nothing I could do to stop it.”
She’s spent the last 2 years living off of her wealthy parents. Some girls have all the luck.
Her parents shill out £2,000 a month in rent and bills, and another £1700 a month for her designer clothes credit card purchases. She also says that her looks are keeping her from having a career and that she’s not lazy or stupid. She’s now writing a book about how much of a “curse” it is to be the prettiest girl in the world/workplace.
I mean, look, if you feel like you’re better suited to spend your days going shopping and getting your hair and nails done on a regular basis than working and your parents don’t mind footing the bill, just fucking own it. If my parents could finance my life like that, I would have taken that route ages ago. Live your life, girl.
But please, oh please, don’t tell me that being conventionally attractive is hard. As a conventionally attractive person, I am here to call BULLSHIT on all of this. Being attractive in this world is like taking the express lane to an easy life. There are actual studies that have been conducted that prove that people that are perceived to be better looking get hired more, make more money and are promoted faster than their not so genetically gifted co-workers. You can read about it here. If you’re attractive, you got the whole world in the palm of your hand.
Everyone likes pretty people -– especially if the good-looking person in question happens to also be a good person. Think about it, who did everyone want to be friends with in grade school: the pretty girl. We learn that stuff young. If you’re having a hard time connecting with women, it’s probably not your looks. It’s probably because you suck.
There are so many benefits to being an attractive person –- especially if you happen to be an attractive white woman. I mean, seriously, how hard can your life really be? White women are less likely to be rapedless likely to be homelessless likely to suffer domestic abuse, and less likely to go to jail than women of color. It’s not difficult being a white woman in this world, Laura Fernee. Get over yourself.
But regardless of race, telling me that being attractive is hard is like when rich people tell me having a lot of money is hard. You know what’s hard? Coming up with creative ways to pay rent every month. And speaking of which, if any editors are currently reading this, I’m an attractive freelance writer and my contract with xoJane is very much like my love life: non-exclusive. Call me!
I’m just saying a lot of doors are opened to you when you play into conventional standards of beauty. I know for a fact that with certain past and current employers, it wasn’t just my resume and charming personality that won them over. They don’t tell you to look your very best at interviews for nothing.
I mean, look, sleaze bags will be sleaze bags. I’ve seldom had problems with women in the work place, but there were definitely some men who needed to learn a thing or two about boundaries. I once had an employer who constantly made inappropriate remarks to me while in the office about my appearance. He eventually fired me. “It’s just not working out. But you’ll be OK. You have a very good look.” I wish I told him to go fuck himself to his gross face but I was much younger then and not as brave.
There are always creepy douchebags in the workplace and deflecting them is still an unfortunate reality of being a woman. It’s also an annoying consequence of being attractive. The older I get, the more comfortable I am calling out that type of inappropriate behavior. When it comes to my experience with beauty, the good outweighs the bad and I keep on keeping on.
Being attractive isn’t all it takes to make it, but if you have a decent head on your shoulders, are good at what you do and also just happen to be quite the hottie with a body, statistically speaking, the odds are in your favor. I say, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

 

The Best Of Cannes Part II.

Isla Fisher in Oscar De La Renta.

Isla Fisher in Oscar De La Renta.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior.

Jennifer Lawrence in Dior.

Jessica Biel in Marchesa.

Jessica Biel in Marchesa.

Joan Smalls in Emilio Pucci.

Joan Smalls in Emilio Pucci.

Marion Cotillard in Antonio Berardi.

Marion Cotillard in Antonio Berardi.

Mario Cotillard in Dior.

Mario Cotillard in Dior.

Kirsten Dunst in Michael Van Der Ham.

Kirsten Dunst in Michael Van Der Ham.

Rooney Mara in Vera Wang.

Rooney Mara in Vera Wang.

Uma Thurman in Atelier Versace.

Uma Thurman in Atelier Versace.

Nicole Kidman in Valentino Couture.

Nicole Kidman in Valentino Couture.

Zoe Saldana in Emilio Pucci.

Zoe Saldana in Emilio Pucci.

Zoe Saldana in Valentino.

Zoe Saldana in Valentino.

The Best Of Cannes 2013.

Marion Cotillard in Alexander Mcqueen.

Marion Cotillard in Alexander Mcqueen.

Astrid Berges-Frisbey in Chanel.

Astrid Berges-Frisbey in Chanel.

Cara Delevingne in Burberry.

Cara Delevingne in Burberry.

So pretty I had to put her twice.

So pretty I had to put her twice.

Carey Mulligan in Vionnet.

Carey Mulligan in Vionnet.

Nicole Kidman in Chanel.

Nicole Kidman in Chanel.

Cheryl Cole in Zuhair Murad.

Cheryl Cole in Zuhair Murad.

Marion Cotillard in Dior.

Marion Cotillard in Dior.

Doutzen Kroes in Atelier Versace.

Doutzen Kroes in Atelier Versace.

Nicole Kidman in Giorgio Armani.

Nicole Kidman in Giorgio Armani.

Say No To Graduation.

Original article published in Elite Daily.

When you look back at it, weren’t those six years of college the best years of your life? Wait, six years?! What ever happened to the good old four years that rivaled your high school tenure? The answer to this question, and many others, can be found in the simple fact: no one is graduating in four years anymore.

That is a pretty bold statement. One that I am sure I can bore you with a multitude of facts and statistics with. The truth is we are about half and half on the whole ”graduating on time” nonsense. These baby boomers had no problem wrapping it up in four years, and they had wars! Why us?

For centuries, outside of a little old fable about some tortoise and some hare, taking your time hasn’t been viewed as effective as it actually is. This is the age of tablets, social media, and even some high speed Internet. We ARE high speed. No one truly has time to sit and think about their decisions and the repercussions that they yield. It is all about the now, and the later will be dealt with when it becomes the now, while the now becomes the forgotten.

grad school

Theories and prose aside, this all goes out the window the moment the world ”college” or ”university” comes into view. And it isn’t even hard to see why. As a 17 year old, all I remember about the college experience was how much I was going to owe at the end of the ride.

This is the first big step for anyone to a very strings attached freedom. Your success is based on yourself in this setting. Don’t want to go to class? That’s fine. Want to party and sleep around your first few semesters? That’s cool. Spending hours upon hours holed up in a dilapidated campus library to study? Hey it’s your prerogative. But also, this is where the story splits.

With college comes responsibility. But, it also has those strings that I mentioned above. This isn’t the booming economy any of us vaguely remember as we grasped at Fruit Rollups and went on abundant vacations in. This is the theorized wasteland of Keynes, where Big Business has turned the job market into a desert, with no oasis in sight.

Maybe, this is an escape for us. The one last road stop that has decent food, a warm bed, and a self-sustained economy where no one is really rich, and no one is exceptionally poor. It’s not fun out there, and what’s wrong with spending a couple of more years roaming the vestibules hoping to find the ”sure thing” that’s next? Nothing.

We could also be becoming smarter, looking at our options and hoping to jump into the best situation granted for us. Instead of figuring out that mercurial major during your second year, there is no harm in trying one out for two years, finally setting on your one true career choice. This could easily lead to less nine to five cul-de-sac’s of unstimulating activity. Sometimes it is easier to plan a roadmap of where to go, rather than head out naked into the untested tundra of tomorrow.

Whatever the reason may be, higher education is changing. The settled foundations of what our families, society and we, as a whole, have known, will never be what it was. And that is OK. Whether it’s fear, courage, stupidity or a Long Island iced tea mix of the three, maybe four years to figure out your life just doesn’t cut it anymore. Time to move past the myth, and get comfortable with the reality.

Ali Abouomar | Elite.

And The Fashion Palm D’or Goes To: Roberto Cavalli.

There were loads of incredible dresses this past May in Cannes. However no designer created as many good ones as the king of the animal print: Roberto Cavalli. Here are some of my favorite looks by the designer.

Alessandra Ambrosio

Alessandra Ambrosio

Cindy Crawford.

Cindy Crawford.

Georgia May Jagger

Georgia May Jagger

Olivia Palermo.

Olivia Palermo.

Alessandra Ambrosio

Alessandra Ambrosio